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Submitted on
September 5, 2009
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one day in the akatsuki lair u  and the whole akatsuki are bored out of your mind and decided to play 7 minutes in heaven. so u go to get an empty bottle (instead of having people write some random thing on a piece of paper and put it in a hat).
everyone sits in a circal and u spin the bottle first and the tip of the bottle stops right in front of pein.you role your eyes and go to the closet with pein following close behind.pein closes the door behind him and locks it.you sit in a corner tiring not to be found by pein but it was no uses he found you and pinned you to the wall and started to kiss u but u refused to kiss back and soon you gave in and started to kiss back.a little later u and pein were doing it.pein was kissing and nibbling your neck and u started to moun when he stopped and said,"we can pick up where we left off later.ok?"you agreed and started to redress your self when deidara opened the door and said times up you get out of the closet and go to your room.that night u hear a knock at your bed room door.you open it to find pein standing in the door way with a drity smile on his face and u invite him in and u two have a every pealent night.
yeah finally something not creepy. if this one gets aton of comments i'll make another one.thanks for reading post comments please.
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:icontigertails1997:
Tigertails1997 Jan 2, 2011  Student Artist
Awsome! (blushes)
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:iconchlochloenara:
i like it but why pein exactly why can't it be itachi
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:iconkhat16:
i soooo agree with that
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:iconchlochloenara:
I know right
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:icongrudgegirl532:
grudgegirl532 Jun 30, 2010  Student General Artist
hey readers i grudgegirl532 am here to tell yall that crazyforchcolat32 made a new acount which just so happenes is mine
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:iconblak-cat-xiii:
blak-cat-XIII Dec 5, 2009  Student Traditional Artist
I agree with Rydia, but another thing to keep in mind would be length. Some people (like me...^^;) like to read longer stories, at least two pages in Word. But other than that, the general idea is very nice. Writing takes practice. I speak from experience.
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:iconrydiathedragon432:
Rydiathedragon432 Sep 15, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Umm.

Not to be offensive or anything, but...your writing skills need as much work as your spelling and punctuation. To put it bluntly, a lot. It was (and still is) a nice idea, but if your readers can't understand what you're trying to say, no one will want to read your writings.
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:iconcrazyforchocolat32:
thanks for the tip. sometimes i get to carried away that i forget things like that.
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:iconrydiathedragon432:
Rydiathedragon432 Sep 16, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Ah, I see, I see...
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:iconcrazyforchocolat32:
thanks for under standing
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